I kinda just held everything in. I still do. Everything from my last two posts. Not talking about it was holding me back, and I didn’t even know it. It’s still going to take time, alot of time. But I know that I can overcome this. Maybe not all the way, because it will always stay with me, not matter how hard I try to get rid of it.
Sometimes, I imagine myself as a whole new person. New school, new look, new life, new me. I think about how great that would be. How much easier it would be. Then realization hits me. I will always be me, just me. And I can’t change that. But when I do imagine the new me, I think about how I could be myself around everyone.
To be honest, I’m not even myself around my bestfriend. When I’m in school, I’m so far away from myself. I rarley talk or laugh, even with my friends. When I’m at home and my friend is over, I’m closer to the real me because I don’t have that pressure coming from every where. One time my friend even said “Why don’t you act like this in school?”. I didn’t know how to reply to that. I didn’t know the answer to that.
I never told any of my friends these things about me, not one. Sometimes I wish I would. But if I did, I wouldn’t get any support. They wouldn’t understand. I wish there was someone out there like me. Who feel the same thing. Someone I could talk to, who would understand, who I could be myself with. I wish.